We were so close before all this happened, and now we barely speak at all. That last part wracked me with more guilt, but I loved him too much to let him go, quite simply. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. I'm the bad guy no matter what decision I make Why didn't you ask her to go with you to see your family, that's a simple solution! You cant do anything about a guy so closed-minded and exploitable. What you dont want though is to come on too strong. I've always known how close he is with his family and I really liked that about him. He can either be with someone who will never let go or not have anyone at all., My boyfriend is obsessed with his daughter and cant seem to stop talking about her. NDBmYjZmMTcwYmJhODliYTkwYzk4YzU5NTMzMTA5OWY0M2IwM2NiNjc0OTY2 I think hes just not that into me anymore. No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. He comes from a pretty decent family. She thinks I hate her because I am not spending it with her? We could say that hes subservient to her and that he hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her. ZDQyY2M3YmMwOTNiNzQ3MTg1MTFkMjNhMDMzNTM1M2E2YzBhYjJmNDI3ZDk2 I want my family back getting back mother of child, fiance, I don't like my relationship with the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wished I have left sooner. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Will this continue till we get married and have children? Without me of course. A "good" mother will give up 'first place' to the new bride (as it should be). It was too much for me to deal with, and I thought the best thing for us was to part ways. YTg0NzE5NmZmZWUyNzMyNmM3OGI3OGQ0NmU5OGZhYjVhYzkwYjlmY2Y5OGE0 MTQxNjUzYTY4NmM4ODY5YzE3ZjYwIn0= I'm not just any girl, either I'm a non-Muslim, white, born and raised Catholic. They're now married with 2 children. ZGQ0YWE1OTIwNzQ2YzIwMTgzOTRhZTVlMDNkMGUyOGY5MWU2MGRmNTdlYjM5 MGNjYjFjYWMyODk0ZWZhMTc1NTEyODk4Y2YwYzViYmNkM2VlNDA5ZmJkNDE1 It's a long-distance relationship, but we've made it work. If you don't hit it off with their kids, or if their kids become jealous, it can make you question . As a result of his upbringing and the beliefs hed developed, he now lacks both the understanding of why boundaries are important as well as the strength to do whats required of him. Wanda says: Nothing like being a third wheel behind a four-legged friend. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? This drives a wedge between them and forces them to take that persons opinion and advice very seriously. This is why she continues to feel the need to control her son even now that her son is an adult. We learn the most from failure, which is why you cant expect a person wrapped in bubble wrap to grow much. You have to compromise in any relationship. 2. This post is for women whose boyfriend chooses his mother over them. Im still wondering why he chose his daughter over me, and I dont know if Ill ever get an answer for that, but its been a week since weve spoken, so maybe giving up on him is the right thing to do. Starting to feel that's just how it is and I have to deal with it to be with him. or situations/content involving minors. Well Im afraid I can only provide a biased opinion having experiences of dating websites, when I felt I have been given the cold shoulder in meeting for special occasions close friends or families. October 11, 2022 by Zan. There is a watch out. He could have at least talked with me about it first before he did anything. He didn't invite me to come with him to either one. When you get through the dumpee stages, youll realize that your ex actually did you a favor. All of these will be removed and locked. You are his family too. Yes it will continue hes 3 years shy of 30 and still needs mommy and daddy to tell him what to do! YjMyNjdmYjM0ZjM1M2FjZGY3ZTBhZDM0ODU2YzExMDQzYmNmOTMzMmIyMzE2 Last yr, she came on a train, "3 hrs", and spent Xmas and boxing day with me, and didn't even see her daughter, husband, and granddaughter on those days, but this yr, she's on the train and spending Xmas and boxing day with them. He said it was just kind of a thing he did every year. Njk4MGFjZTRhMzJlYzkwNzVkNDAxNjU5M2IyMTNlYzY5NjVjYjFhMmZjNzE5 he'll always be with you. Boyfriend will not introduce me to family or tell his ex-wife he's dating, Friends with benefits didn't want to spend the night. This is how he wants to live. Press J to jump to the feed. If he loves you enough he would include you and take you with him. Hed been wired to avoid pain and drama by yielding to superior forces. Generated by Wordfence at Thu, 2 Mar 2023 8:27:27 GMT.Your computer's time: document.write(new Date().toUTCString());. And it's not just buying a house. Thats why he lets his mother do what she wants and allows her to get inside his head and affect his relationship. He has never spend christmas with me. My parents are divorced and I live with my mum and sister. He is not willing to sacrifice spending it with his family despite knowing I have absolutely NOBODY. I heard those kind of problems from friends No one should decide who we can or cant date and how we should treat our partners. Seems very family oriented and his sister really likes me. NTNiYTgwMGUwNmU1ODljYjg2ZmI4MmU3MGE1ZTFiM2IwNWVjODBiZmE4ZWQx YmM0Mjk3NjQzNDQ3YjhlMmJiZjVhN2YyMzdmMDhkYWJiYjM4MzcyMDljNDM4 This heart-touching letter captures the feelings of every wife, who has been ignored by her husband; whose husband chooses family over his wife. It hurts so much . ZjNjNmU4YWIyYmUwNGU5ZWE2MTQ2OTgzODY4NjAzNTM5MDBkMjMyZDcxMjYy The only thing seperating us are the miles between our homes. Do fathers love their daughters more than their wives? OTgzNTVlZjFhNTE4OGMwNjExNjYzNGEyZDYxNDM1Mzc3ZGM4OTRlMjljMzY0 I hated going to my husbands family for thanksgiving (terrible cooks for one thing)! We've been together for 3 years and 8 months. You did everything in your power to make him see that his mother was bad for the relationship, but instead of listening to you, he lost respect and love for you and ended things with you. I think if your case the only thing you can do is rotate every other year. If he is prepared, you can give him some healthy suggestions on how to make you a priority and his mother someone he speaks with (not over-relies on). Thats the only way hell regain some independence and demonstrate that he respects you and prioritizes you. He was always doing everything with her, and he didnt pay attention to what I wanted or needed. for example today there is She is fearful that this wont stop when she is seriously dating bc its not something a partner should/would go through. Romantic relationships are ours alone to maintain. This is not an all-inclusive list. 1. Parents can have a very influential effect on the relationship. An ultimatum should be the very last thing you give to solve a relationship crisis. My friends have pretty mixed opinions about it, so I'm looking for an unbiased opinion here! I'm so lonely and I feel so abandoned. We talked about it calmly and nicely, but feel just a little hurt, especially after her daughter invited me to go there for Xmas lunch. My boyfriend spend the weekend with his ex. In doing so, hell placate her anger and make her feel important for being listened to. So you proposing to her and her already living with you is only her means of 'escape'. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. Don't make an issue out of it. Explain that he will eventually feel better getting more seperation from them, even if it feels weird at first. She hates my dad. I'd be jealous and feel neglected, too. The result is something ofestrangement from his mom. Im not trying to compete for attention, but it seems like hes more interested in his daughter than me., It doesnt help that were having problems, which just makes things worse because when you argue, the first thing out of my mouth is always, why dont you spend time with your own kid instead? And every single time, he tells me that she needs him too because she has no one else right now.. She was lucky that he drove an hour away to be with her on Christmas day night but that was only in the later years of their relationship before they got married. I feel at times and most recently that he doesnt love me anymore but he just doesnt know how to break up with me because lately this has been happening a lot and Im tired of fighting, I really love him. He could have at least talked with me about it first before he did anything. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. Partying was more important than being a wife and mom. Everyone makes mistakes, including me and you. My boyfriend 27 and I 26 have been together for 3 years. Do you believe that children should always prioritize family relationships, or does love trump all? MjM2NzcyODM2MTM5NWEyOTRjNTg1YjMyNmQ5YjJmODRmYjc1ZGQ1MDE0ZDA4 I asked if it was a guys' night or what---he hesitated but then said it was a guys night. My boyfriend Boyfriend and I conflicted over how to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas together, Wont spend time with me, won't let me meet family. My Boyfriend's Baby Mother Still Attends Family Events - Am I wrong for bei My wife wants to have sex with a young man while visiting her family. Rotate, take turns, whatever.but partner should be compromising to try and spend a holiday with you once in a while. Need help with your relationship? Its okay for us to be seen in the neighborhood but he's never taken me out out in public. Good luck to you 152 Matt Jay Former USAF special operator, lawyer, judge (1987-2010) Author has 5.1K answers and 5.9M answer views 1 y Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? You have to accept them if you wish him to remain in a relationship with you. Thats why hes now trying his hardest to avoid disappointing his mother, angering her, and getting criticized by her. I would be thinking that maybe she has invited someone else to share the special occasions with him but then Im a suspicious kind of person. Maybe for your bf also. His family should be making room for you in their lives. She's a psychiatrist and a strict Muslim, and she hates me. If you believe Wordfence should be allowing you access to this site, please let them know using the steps below so they can investigate why this is happening. YjRhMDg2ZmE4MDZkZmQzNzc3YmZiMmFiMTUwZjBhM2I5MjY1NDZkZGU4Zjg1 I am choosing to put your kids before a relationship can be difficult. In 2014, I met a guy. Your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with his family for his entire life and never questioned it. 1. Copyright 2023 - SmartRelationshipTips.Com | All Rights Reserved. he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning theyre always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. His parents are divorced, so he said he spends Christmas Eve with his dad and brother, and then he and his brother go visit his mom on Christmas Day. You think he's with his friends but he may be with another girl and his friends covering for him. MDIwYThjODdkYmRkODkxNjdmMjNjMWJiNzg2YzczOWNhNDNkMTAzMDkyNWE1 Before he and his family ruins your life. YTZlY2NmZDdlNDlhMTY4NTY3ZDMyM2MyYzE4Y2NmYTRmMSIsInNpZ25hdHVy Where we liveclose to mom. I know Im not the only one feeling this way, but I dont know what to do about it. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. I see a future with him but now I dont know how to feel or what to do. 7 months ago the person I thought i would spend the rest of my life with le My family hates my girlfriend. You don't get a free pass. Hes always doing everything with her because of that! They came as a package just like your DP and his children. I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. A perfect guy, but he ended up having to choose between me and his mother. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, doesnt understand relationship boundaries, getting out of his comfort zone and making decisions without his mother. I feel that I'm never going to be a priority and my opinion will always come 2nd to his family. People who always put their family first are common and normal, you cant force them to just stop hanging out with their family because you want them to. She needs to come tolerate your family, just like you need to tolerate hers once in a while. When people show you who they are, believe them. eyJtZXNzYWdlIjoiZmJkNDZiMjEwMmU5NDg2ODY1NTU3MDIwOWU4YzI0NmQz ODMzMTU0MDAxMzkzYzQ4M2ZmNjU3NjhhNTY1ZmEzNDZmNjZiZWZkZjgyY2Zk My husband doesnt spend money on me is that ok? He is hurting, and if nothing else, he needs someone who understands what hes feeling right now. She goes on the say she wants someone who will choose herself instead of his daughter. I **** a girlfriend daily since 8 months. He still tells me things will work out, but it seems hopeless because he never spends any time with me. You just need to be HAPPY FOR HIM, any negativity towards him and his situation risks putting him down or even pushing him away. Hes prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. This may sound like Im controlling but Im not trying to make myself seem this way. As difficult as it may be, try to remind yourself that your ex left because he wasnt willing to understand you and compromise. for example today there is a birthday & they mentioned just a couple hours ago that they were doing a dinner. Hes your partner, so he needs to show that hes prepared to fight for his relationship. Honest Conversation With Him If your boyfriend constantly prioritizes his family over you, it can be tough to feel like you're a priority in his life. He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. Weve been dating for six years, and thats how long weve known each other. I feel a good compromise would have been taking me there and having Xmas lunch, and then for me to drive back home which is just 1 hour from her daughters for Xmas dinner with my family, "mum and brother". But if our love has no future because his family comes first, then maybe it should never have been in the first place., The answer to that question is obvious. You shouldnt stay with someone whose life revolves around his mother. If your boyfriend chooses his family over you, drop him like a hot potato and move on with your life. Imagine a third person meddling with their business. Either there is a separation or there is no relationship. I know that he is going through a lot and all, but I want him to try and bridge the gap between us. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. Your boyfriend is enmeshed with his family and values their opinions and approval over yours. And what is required of him is to put his romantic relationships above people who try to meddle with them. My brother never spent Christmas with his girlfriend, always came home to be with our family. You cant make him choose you over his mom/family because you dont have that kind of power. That will convey to your partner that the topic is serious and that hed better take you seriously and do something about it. So, in a way, I feel bad for his mom. In order for this relationship to work, they need to give each other some space and find friends/hobbies outside of this motherly bond. Sounds like an enmeshed family, and I know because I came from one. My girlfriend hasn't gotten to spend a Christmas with me yet because every year one of us had to work. Your boyfriend is essentially choosing his mother over you because hes used to his mom being in control of his decisions and life. 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